Bou Bhat (Reception) Planning for Bangladeshi Weddings in the UK

If the aunties have started asking about the bou bhat, it’s worth checking what each family means by it before anyone books a hall. Two families can use the same name for quite different parties. Once you’ve agreed what yours is, this guide takes you through planning it in the UK: the venue, the food, the look, the arrivals and who does what on the night.

The short answer

Bou is the bride and bhat is cooked rice.1,2 The bou bhat is a meal after the wedding, hosted by the groom’s side to receive the new bride.1,3 In the UK it can be a reception in its own right: one east London venue describes it as usually hosted by the groom’s side a day or so after the main wedding, and it can be the biggest gathering of the whole wedding.3 Your family may use the name for a small welcome meal, a full reception, or the same gathering as the walima, so agree which you’re planning, then plan it like the big event it may become: venue first, then food, decor, music, photos and transport.

What bou bhat means

Put together, the name gets to the heart of it: the groom’s family welcoming the new bride with a meal. One recorded meaning is the rite itself, in which the groom’s relatives accept food the new bride has touched.1 In a traditional Hindu form of the bou bhat in Bengal, the meal includes food prepared by the bride.4 In Bangladesh, it’s also described as a wedding banquet held by the groom’s family to honour the newlyweds and introduce them to family and friends.5 Walima is listed as one of its meanings too,1 which is why the “one party or two?” question matters.

The idea travels well. Writing in 2016 about his neighbour’s London Bangladeshi wedding, a photographer describes being asked round the day after to photograph preparations for a “bride feast”, a way of welcoming the bride to her new home.6

Is it the same party as the walima?

Settle this first. It decides the guest list, who hosts and how many bookings you need. A few ways it can go:

• One party, one name. The groom’s side hosts a single reception after the wedding, and the invitation calls it bou bhat, walima or reception, whichever your families agree on.
• Two separate gatherings. A big walima or reception for everyone, plus a smaller bou bhat for close family, or the other way round.
• Bou bhat on the wedding weekend. If guests are travelling a long way, holding it the next day at the same venue saves everyone a second trip.

Whichever you choose, the invitation should say more than one word. “Dinner with the groom’s family to welcome our new bou” tells an elderly relative far more than “Bou Bhat, 7pm”.

Your planning flow: first, second, next

• Agree what the bou bhat is. One party or two, and the name on the invitation.
• Name the host and the payer. “The groom’s side” can mean the parents, a chacha who has offered to help, or the couple themselves.
• Book the venue. Wedvisa’s guide puts popular venues at 12 to 18 months ahead.7 If it’s the day after the wedding, ask the wedding venue first.
• Write the guest list. One person holds it. Wedvisa’s guest list manager keeps names, RSVPs and dietary notes together.
• Book the caterer, decorator, photographer and music. Quote for this event specifically, not the brochure package.
• Plan the arrival and the running order. The couple’s entrance, the meal, the cake, any dances and the send-off.
• Put it in the budget and the day plan. Its own line in the budget calculator, and its times in the wedding day timeline.

A rough timeline

Use these as working dates and replace them with your venue’s.

• 12 to 18 months out: agree the event and the host; book the venue and the photographer.7
• 9 to 12 months out: book the caterer and the DJ or band.7
• 6 to 9 months out: book hair and makeup, with a trial 4 to 8 weeks before,7 and the decorator; order outfits.
• 3 months out: invitations out, with a separate reply if guests are also invited to the wedding.
• One month out: final numbers, dietary needs and allergies to the caterer; seating plan.
• The week of: the running order to every supplier and to the person in charge on the night.

How to source each piece

The venue

Look for a room that suits the size you’ve agreed, then ask how it handles a bou bhat the day after another event. The Willows in Hainault says it can host the wedding and the bou bhat on separate days or in different spaces on the same day, so the main ceremony can happen one evening and the bou bhat be prepared without breaking everything down overnight.3 The Ponsbourne, a Hertfordshire estate, lists its ballroom for wedding receptions and “Bou Bhaat celebrations”, with a reception stage, a large dance floor and flexible seating.8 Meridian Grand in London focuses on receptions and seats 200 to 800 in a pillar-free ballroom.9

If it’s the same venue the day after, ask when guests can get in, what can stay set up overnight, and whether setup, hire or staffing are charged again. Get a written quote for the arrangement you’re actually considering.

Food

The bou bhat is a party named after rice, so the food is the point. If your family wants a dish the bride has made, or something cooked at home, ask the venue early whether outside food is allowed, who stores it and who serves it. With a caterer, agree the dishes in writing, along with halal, vegetarian and other requirements. Some venues can cater for Bengali menus themselves: De Montfort University’s Leicester venue says its catering partner can cater for Bengali markets.10

In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, a food business serving a buffet must give allergen information for each dish, not for the buffet as a whole.11 Ask the caterer how guests will find it and who answers questions on the night.

Decor and the stage

The stage is where the couple spends the evening and where many of the photographs will be taken. Ummah Catering’s decor packages include stage design, a backdrop, table dressing, chair covers, and setup and collection on the day.12 Some venues have their own decorator: Midnight Garden is Meridian Grand’s in-house decor service, reserved for that venue’s clients.13 If you want a royal look with florals and soft lighting, show the decorator pictures and ask what’s included, what’s extra, and who clears it at the end.

Outfits, hair and makeup

The bou bhat can be the bride’s chance for a second look, anything from a saree to a lehenga or a gown, and for the groom anything from a panjabi to a sherwani or prince coat. Settle it early, because it changes the makeup plan. Uzma’s, for example, says it has Bengali bridal makeup teams in Manchester, London, Birmingham, Cardiff and Glasgow.14 For sarees, Rangoli London makes pre-pleated sarees and tailored blouses.15 Ask the makeup artist how many looks are included if they’re also doing the wedding, and when the trial is.

Music, dances and the couple’s entrance

Ask the DJ or band for a plan covering the couple’s entrance, dinner music and any performances. Divine Sounds, an Asian wedding DJ company, lists entrance and exit songs for the bride and groom among its services and says it uses dhol players across the UK.16 If cousins are performing or the couple is dancing, rehearse with the actual music and tell the DJ the order.

Photos

Agree what matters most: the couple’s entrance, the family groups, the cake and any dances. Give the photographer a list of groups, and the name of a cousin who knows who’s who.

Arrivals, carriages and special effects

Grand arrivals are part of some bou bhats: a decorated car, a horse-drawn carriage for photographs, or coloured smoke at the entrance. Each needs a yes from the venue before you book it. Ask where vehicles can stop, whether animals are allowed on the grounds, and whether smoke or flares are allowed inside or outside. Get every answer in writing before you book the effect. For cars, Westway Ride, a London wedding car company, describes moving between mosques, mandirs, gurdwaras and banqueting halls across London and the Home Counties.17

Family decisions, extra guests and money

If the groom’s family is hosting, settle early who’s paying for what: the venue, the food, the decor and the photographer. One person should hold the guest list, so when an aunt wants to add her neighbours, everyone knows who decides. If several relatives are chipping in, a spending limit next to each name saves an awkward conversation later. And if the bride’s family wants to bring something, a dish or a gift for the hosts, agree it in advance so it has a place in the evening.

On the night

Give the bou bhat one person in charge who isn’t the bride or groom. They hold the running order, the supplier phone numbers and the decision on what happens if things run late. Seat the elders where they can see the stage and reach the food easily. And build in a moment for what the evening is really for: the groom’s family welcoming the bride, in front of everyone.

Quick answers

Is bou bhat only for Hindu families? The name and the rite are recorded in Hindu tradition in Bengal,4 and the dictionary also lists walima among its meanings.1 One east London venue that hosts both nikahs and Hindu ceremonies uses the name for the groom’s side’s reception,3 so ask what your families mean by it.

Does the bride have to cook? In the traditional Hindu form the meal includes food the bride has prepared.4 You could keep it as a gesture, a single dish or a sweet, rather than the whole meal. That’s a conversation for both families, not a rule.

Can it be on the same day as the wedding? It can, if the venue has more than one space. One east London venue offers different spaces on the same day as well as separate days.3 If two events share a day, put a real break between them in the running order and confirm it with the venue.

Safety, in brief

• Allergen information for each dish at a buffet.11
• Smoke, flares, open flames and animals only with the venue’s written permission.
• Outside food only with the venue’s agreement on storage and serving.

Bou bhat checklist

• What the bou bhat is (one party or two) agreed by both families
• Host and payer named
• Venue booked; overnight setup and day-after charges in writing
• Guest list with one person in charge
• Caterer booked; menu and allergen information in writing
• Decorator, photographer and DJ or band booked
• Outfits, hair and makeup planned
• Arrival plan and any special effects approved by the venue
• Invitations sent with clear wording
• Running order shared with suppliers and the person in charge

Tick these off in Wedvisa’s wedding checklist.

Your bou bhat at a glance